What is ‘Fexting’ & Does it Work for Relationships?

What is the key to a happy and healthy relationship? Yes, my friend, that is a tricky question. We all know that relationships are complicated as hell and there is no single thing that can make or break them; the factors that help them grow (or make them fail) are different. However, there is one key factor that separates strong relationships from weak ones, and that is effective conflict resolution.

I’ll be the first to say that finding a way to manage and resolve conflict in any relationship takes some serious trial and error, but when couples (or friendships, for that matter) can figure it out how to do it in a way that works. for them, they can be unstoppable. Take the President and First Lady as an example: Into something In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Dr. Jill Biden revealed that she and Joe Biden turned to “talking” (fighting over texts) as they fought without the Secret Service knowing about them. Of course, not all of us are in such high situations, but the point is this: They have been married for more than 45 years, and if texting helps to manage conflicts in their relationship, when let them grow stronger!

As someone who cringes at the thought of being in a fight for text (I’m usually a face to face kinda gal), I’m still curious (read: nosey) about how other people approach the problem. So I did some research on this thing called “fexting” to find out how and why it would work because hey, if it’s a good fit for the President and First Lady, there must be some value in it, right? Read on to find out:

What is fexting?

Believe it or not, text has been around for a long time, well, text, so it’s not a new idea at all. Many people, including the aforementioned President and First Lady, use it—whether on purpose, in their circumstances, or out of wisdom—to argue. From what we can tell Dr. Jill Biden’s Harper’s Bazaar interview, it seems she and President Biden have it down to a science. If done right, dating can be beneficial for both individuals and couples, but be aware that it can also be harmful. Whether it will work for you as much as it does for the Bidens is TBD, so consider the pros and cons we outline next before trying it out for yourself.

The positive effect of settling in a relationship

Fexting gives everyone more time to process their feelings

One of the biggest benefits of debriefing is that you have more time to process what is being said and your feelings. Since there is no pressure to respond immediately as there is usually in person or even in a phone call, everyone can consider their own feelings, and in turn, the feelings and thoughts of the other person. This can lead to more effective, honest discussions in many forms of conflict.

Fexting helps you avoid saying things you might regret later

Sometimes, conflict can get so heated that we become defensive and defensive (be there). When this happens, it can be difficult for us to calmly consider what we are saying to the other person. With text messages, you have to physically write down your content of course want to say that you have the opportunity to review it and delete it. In the wise words of Dorinda Medley No The Real Housewives of New York City, “Say it, forget it. Write it down, think about it.”

Negative effects of adjustment in relationships

The lack of tone in the language can make it difficult to understand

Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice are three factors that play a major role in communication, and we can’t rely on them at all when sending messages on cell phones. We can’t know if something is said with a good intention or if it’s just the way we hear it. This can lead to heated arguments or upsets when, of course, we don’t want it to be like that if we care about the person.

Repetition can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication

We may try to be as careful and clear as possible when texting, but at the end of the day, texting misunderstandings are something we all do. When we have a face-to-face conversation, we can articulate what we are saying clearly, and we are able to ask clarifying questions if we do not understand someone’s meaning.

Other ways to resolve conflict in your relationship

Set aside a specific time to talk

Instead of texting your partner in the middle of the day that catches them off guard, take the time to talk to them. I know the dreaded “we’ll talk” text is nerve-wracking and nerve-wracking for anyone to send or receive, but taking the time to discuss whatever is going on can to help both of you take better care of each other. problem – solve.

Try therapy

If you and your partner, family member, or best friend have tried many ways to manage and avoid conflict on your own, including forgiveness, but you are still struggling to understand each other, try therapy -individually or collectively. Talking to a licensed professional can help anyone learn new communication skills, see different perspectives, and take new steps to solve problems. and learn how to argue effectively.

Agree to disagree

It’s important to remember that you don’t always have to agree with everyone on everything, and there isn’t always right and wrong. If you find yourself in this situation, it would be best to let go of whatever the problem is and admit that you disagree.

This Mindset Change changed the way my SO and I handle conflict