Should Couples Have Separate Beds?

March 12, 2023 By:

Sleeping in the same bed as your partner is something many people do just do, but has anyone ever wondered why? Of course, there is a combination and interaction that occurs in bed, but is there a different benefit to that? What usually happens on the street is that there are many couples who start sleeping in different beds to improve their sleep, health, and achieve this: their relationship. But this is not a new idea—Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip slept in separate beds throughout their marriage, they stand the test of time. Although for them, it is a tradition and a high standard, they also know the benefits of uninterrupted sleep. All this made us wonder, should married couples sleep in the same bed? We rely on experts to learn more about different beds for couples and along the way, get their advice for couples who want to try it.

Why Couples Choose to Sleep in Different Beds

Some people prefer to call this decision “divorce of sleep,” although that sounds harsh, that’s basically what it is. This happens when two partners decide they want different sleeping arrangements—usually in different rooms—because one or both of them are breaking out of the routine. the other sleep. Since good sleep can affect everything from our mood to our productivity, relationships, and most importantly, our health, couples find that sleeping in the same bed simply because they “should” not be their story. When they combine sleeping in separate beds, many couples experience better sleep – which affects their entire lives, and yes, that includes their relationship.

The benefits of sleeping in different beds

If you or your partner have disruptive sleep habits (snoring, pacing, sweating, talking in your sleep, etc.), it can affect your sleep habits. again in a negative way. “If this is the case, and one or both of them are not sleeping well, it can affect their quality of life, stress levels, and their mood, causing tension in the relationship,” says Kaufman. . So, not only is getting enough sleep very important to your overall health, but it can also damage your relationship due to the irritation or anger caused by your partner who doesn’t get enough sleep. . “By sleeping in different beds, one can increase one’s chances of an uninterrupted rest,” he says. Rachel Holzberg, LMSW of Manhattan Wellness, which reduces any conflict and leads to a better situation for both people.

The disadvantages of sleeping in different beds

When you sleep in separate beds, you can experience the increased feeling of connection and closeness it provides. “Sleeping next to someone is very easy and requires you to give up control when it comes to things like how you look or how you sleep,” says the NYC-based scientist. Alexis B. Kaufman, LCSW. When you allow yourself to share that vulnerability with a partner and trust that they won’t judge you for your terrible sleeping habits, a bond develops. There are also “values ​​in physical contact even if it’s side-by-side,” he added. Jennifer Teplin, LCSWThe founder Manhattan Goodness, so even in the morning after you wake up next to each other, you will get an uninterrupted minute or two before the day starts, and that quality time can also strengthen your bond. When you sleep in different beds, you will find new ways to create those moments.

How to sleep in different beds without ruining your relationship

Have an open conversation with your partner

The last thing you want to do is make your partner angry for interfering with your sleep—they can’t control it, after all—so this conversation comes down to how you say what you want to say to someone. your partner. For example, make sure you use the word “I” instead of the word “you” to avoid making it seem like you are blaming them.

Here are two examples of how to suggest sleeping in a separate bed from your partner, according to Kaufman:

  • I don’t sleep well and I realize that can affect my mood and the way I treat you. This relationship means a lot to me, so I want to try sleeping in a different bed to make sure I’m sleeping the way I need to portray the kind of partner I want to be for you.
  • I love being with you, but I’m a light sleeper and I find that I haven’t been able to sleep well in the bed we share. I want to try sleeping in another bed to see if it improves my sleep.

Throughout the conversation, “think about all the possibilities for a solution and stay positive,” says Teplin. For example, your partner may suggest other solutions, such as pressing together to reduce snoring, changing the darkness and temperature in the room until it is comfortable for both people, having one person sleep earlier otherwise, get a bed for other things. space , or testing the sound machine. Experts agree that you should exhaust all of your options before making a final decision about your sleep schedule.

Develop a bedtime routine that leads to bonding time

Develop a routine that supports closeness and connection, and stick to it even when life gets busy. Kaufman suggests bonding together by spending time snuggling in bed or watching a movie on the couch. And in the morning, when both partners are awake, spend time together in one bed before starting the day.

Make sex a priority

You may be thinking How can I find love if I am not in the same bed as my partner? And with that, experts say don’t worry about anything! There are many ways you can spend time with your partner before it’s time to catch the Zzz’s – you just need to know when and where. According to Kaufman, “you need to communicate about your expectations and preferences in a close relationship to make sure you continue to meet everyone’s needs.” This can be like scheduling sex, planning some nights where you invite each other to your bed, or watching a hot movie on the couch.

The Verdict: Should Couples Sleep in Separate Beds?

The answer to whether couples should sleep in the same bed isn’t just yes or no, so take heart, whatever you like, it’s not a bad thing. There are many factors to consider, and it is the couple’s responsibility to decide what is best for them individually and as partners. If that means sleeping in the same bed, great! If that means sleeping in different beds, great! Teplin puts it best: “Whether you’re in a shared bed or separate beds, a connection is a goal that both partners must focus on to ensure that it remains.”

A 5-minute bedtime routine that can help improve your relationship