TBQH, I don’t know if I’ve ever liked any of my best friends before. Especially in the beginning of their relationship, I find it hard to believe that anyone in the world could be good for them. My goal is always to put my walls up and make the partners I meet pass a series of complicated (read: somewhat realistic) tests before they enter my grace. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don’t. But that leaves me in a difficult position. What should I do if they don’t pass the test I put them through to prove they’re good enough for my friends? Should I hate them but support their relationship?
After a terrible scare, I learned that there are ways to get over this slope, and if those don’t work, we have many solutions for you so that you don’t ruin your relationship with your friend or your relationship with a member their marriage.
If you don’t want your friend to leave his partner sh*tty, here’s what to do:
1. Find out what you don’t like about them
Sometimes you hate someone for no reason at all. Maybe their points disappear when you’re around or you don’t notice what makes them special and your special BFF. You may disagree with their political views. All these things, he hates, is not a reason to hate someone. Yes, it’s okay to date everyone you meet, but you can’t just crush a friend and not like them for no reason.
On the other hand, there are many reasons why you might not like them from the get go. Are they often late? Do they make you uncomfortable? Do they not respect boundaries? Are they bullying you or your friend? Do they feel like they’re love bombing or lighting up your BFF? If you have a good reason to dislike them, keep reading. If not, try to be friends with them and see where that goes before you start hating them.
2. Tell something about you and your BFF
Your BFF won’t know why you act weird around them unless you tell them why. If you’re in a place where you’re really uncomfortable, it might be time to step it up one by one.
But make sure you do this in a gentle way. If you have changed jobs, it will be awkward and difficult to find out who you are dreaming about and not a dream for your best friend. Make sure you remind them that you care about them and are only looking out for them, but you trust that they know what they are doing and trust their judgment.
3. Try to find common ground
The easiest way to get someone on your side is to always find something to talk about. Maybe you like the same music and can relate to anyone who threw a playlist on the aux. Or, you two took the same class in college that introduced you to horror movies. You don’t know what hobbies or interests you share with someone until you start talking to them, so when you’re given the chance to get to know this new person and your friends, take it and see where it leads.
4. Let it go
You can’t control your friends, and they have to make their own choices about who they want to date and how to spend their time, just like you do. If you’ve done everything you can to get to know them and they still don’t like you, it may be time to let it go and accept that your friend is happy in a new relationship that you may not believe.
How to keep your friendship even if you hate your best friend:
1. Hang out with your BFF
Especially if you are in a relationship, it can be easy to make everything a couple does. Instead, make it a point to hang out with your friend once in a while. It will bring you back to the roots of your friendship and remind you that there are more things to talk about than the sh*tty shit you hate.
And if your friend pulls, “Oh, really, ____ can come?”, pull the trigger and say no.
2. Don’t go the “I told you so” way.
There may come a time when your friend decides that you did the right thing and needs advice on how to deal with what is happening in their relationship or end it altogether. When that happens, don’t snicker and say, “I told you so.” Go there for your friend and give them advice like you would in any other situation.
3. Only take them out when your friend does
You never want to sit and talk all day, but I’m there when you’re together, and it hurts when you bring them up. Instead, try not to talk about them or their relationship unless your friend says so.
Of course, you want to make it known that they can talk to you about anything, but protect yourself if you know that developing your friend and your friend will always get into your brain.