Are you the kind of person who does what everyone wants when deciding where to have dinner? Do you always want to confirm whether everyone around you is having a good time instead of considering your own experience? Yes? One. Welcome to the world of interesting people.
As a (recovering) people pleaser, I always put the needs and desires of others at the expense of my own. If I’m being completely honest, it’s mostly out of a desire to be liked. I will work hard to avoid others thinking bad things about me. People-pleasing has had a huge impact on my daily life, from volunteering to work for a job I don’t want to do, to smiling at friends when they say something offensive. I’m angry, or just to go to any movie or restaurant. everyone else wants to go, even if I don’t like it.
Agreement? Well, what if I told you people-beauty is invading not only your daily life but also your sex life? Yes. People-pleasing can have a big impact on your sex life, often leading to fake orgasms, promiscuous sex, harsh self-criticism, or unfulfilled sex. I can tell you from the first experience that people do not like in the bedroom, and each of these feelings are real.
Signs that you are people-good in the bedroom
If this sounds good, there’s a good chance you’re pleasing people in the middle of the sheet. Here are five signs you can impress people in the bedroom.
You make sounds that don’t reflect your feelings
Have you ever whined, breathed heavily, or screamed in delight to show your partner that you’re having *much* more time than you do? Maybe you want to boost their confidence or show your partner in a good way in bed. I have a lot. Although there are studies that show that exaggerating sex can sometimes be arousing, if you’re making noises that don’t reflect your true feelings, you may be people pleaser.
You fake orgasms
If you take your fake noise to the next level to give a 10/10 fake orgasm performance, this is another sign that you can be attractive to people. Many people fake orgasms because, in some way or another, they want to protect the feelings of their partner, even when it comes at the cost of their own comfort.
You care more about your partner’s pleasure than your own
It wasn’t until I was 20 that I learned that sex isn’t just about satisfying my partner. I never thought about whether I liked sex because I thought it was about fulfilling my partner’s needs. If you find yourself completely focused on your partner’s experience or putting their interests above all else, this is a sign that you are neglecting the needs of others. your eyes and what pleases people.
You are overly critical of yourself
As a symptom of the age of people-goodness, I struggle with performance anxiety. I spent the entire sexual experience wondering what my partner thought of me, what they wanted, and if I was doing well. I am hypercritical of my body and my system because I am so fixated on wanting to have a partner who sees me as “good” in sex.
You try hard to give feedback
One of the signs that people like it is trying to respond. Many times, romantic people worry that if they do not please their partner or if they ask for change or change, they will no longer be the person their partner wants. let them be. This can result in pushing through pain or discomfort during sex, lack of orgasms, or frequent sex.
What to do if you are suffering from people-pleasing in the bedroom
The first thing you need to do to stop this habit is to recognize that you are doing it. Although this may seem simple, knowing the behaviors that are the will to do something will help you figure out how to handle those situations in a different way. Not only that, but your people-pleasing technique may be an insight into why you like people and how to fix it.
If you like people in the bedroom, you probably do it in your daily life. Think about where this is shown every day and start breaking the trend of people enjoying themselves in the most dangerous situations. Who is your best friend? When you go with whatever they want to do, ask yourself what you really want, and practice saying no or sharing what you really want.
Breaking people-pleasing habits takes time and practice, and expressing what you want is a skill you must develop. Start by doing things at the easiest time.
Use one word requests
For people who like people, it can be difficult to say what you want do and don’t do it such as. Alas, thank you for one-word requests, communication strategies from Alison Moonauthor of Sex 101. A one-word request can be a non-threatening way to ask for a change during sex. Basically, you use one word to make a request, like slow, fast, hard, left, down, deep, wet… you get the picture.
Once you’re comfortable with a one-word request, you can finish adding more words to your request, by saying things like, “Would you do that slowly?” or “I love when you do that even more deeply.”
Ask your partner to enter
For people pleasers, it can be easier to express what you want when someone prompts you, rather than coming up with it yourself. Let your partner know that you are having a hard time getting things done of course wants in the bedroom, and sex will be more enjoyable if your partner comes to you more often. You can tell they’re going to be hot if they ask things like “What would you like right now?” or “Do you want to do this position or that position?” and “Do you want to keep going or take a break?”
Some people pleasers find endless questions overwhelming because getting to what you want can be difficult. If this is the case, tell your partner you like it when they give you a choice during sex, such as “Do you want to use a vibrator or your hands?”
Work with a sex therapist
Having support from a sex therapist can help you identify patterns of pleasing people and develop strategies to break those patterns. Some sex coaches (like me!) are experts in working with clients who struggle with pleasing people.
For people-pleasers, it’s common for sex to become unpleasant, to cause resentment towards your partner, or to dampen your libido. While all of this can be a difficult experience, you are not alone. Consider implementing new communication methods, honoring your needs in your daily life, and talking to someone you trust.