8 An unmarried girl to stop staying

If you’re single, you’re probably very aware of what people are saying about your love life. Is there someone special in your life? (My family has been asking me this literally since high school). Why don’t you have an abortion? Don’t worry that you are amazing, you will find someone eventually. It is very empowering that you are single and happy. roll your eyes.

These issues get worse when you reach the age where *everyone* thinks you have a partner, and if you don’t, you must be sad and alone. Although, of course, these feelings are convenient for some, they are very false insurance claims. Not every woman is looking for a partner or a long-term relationship or making a feminist statement by being single.

When I was single, I remember feeling like people saw me as hyper-independent, working on myself or I would be “too damaged” from my previous relationship. until the day. big ew. Can I be single and have fun? Or can I be single and struggling without being a classic stereotype?

These thoughts are not just anger, they are organizational issues.

Because of all the single women out there, the comments you get, the stereotypes are always thrown in front of you, and the challenges you face in life are more than just anger , they are actually part of a system that supports couples and partnered people over single people.

A psychologist, Dr. Bella DePaulo, has dedicated his career to understanding exactly what you, my single friend, are going through. Dr. DePaulo calls this “husband and wife,” which is basically the constant praise and honor of married people, and the slander and contempt of single people. Although celibacy is a less violent and milder form of discrimination than racism, for example, it is still very real, pervasive, and has a great impact on people’s lives, Dr. DePaulo explains in Psychology Today.

8 single stereotypes we should leave behind

What are these stereotypes that single women have though? Are they really that bad? If you are a single woman, or a friend or family member of a single woman, here are eight thoughts that you, or your friend, may be facing, which should leave in the trash.

1. Young single women

Although this is not true, people believe in this unknowingly, it should stop. Dr. DePaulo published a study in 2008 which sampled 1,000 undergraduates and found that single people were often referred to as young, insecure, self-centered, unhappy, and lonely . , honesty, happiness, kindness, and love. So yes, it’s not true but a common stereotype.

2. Single women do not choose to get married

I asked readers what stereotypes about single women should go away, and this is a common one. Many women say that they suffer from strangers, friends and family who think that they do not choose to get married and finally, they want a relationship, but they cannot find one.

Sammy* told me, “One thought I hate as a single woman (after a 15-year relationship) is that I want to find someone else. Umm no, no, I don’t. I can be alone. and good.” He said all his friends were asking when he was going to be on Tinder. They immediately think that finding a new relationship is what he needs.

While it is true that some women are single because they cannot find the person they want to be with (and trust me, this can be a difficult experience), this is not true for everyone. Believing that being married is not an option reinforces the idea that celibacy is because there is something wrong with it. Even if you are struggling as a single woman, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you.

3. Single women will be happy if they are in a relationship

Let’s get real, it is many places believe that people are happier when they are together. In fact, researchers began to answer the question “Are people happier when they are married than when they are single?” Basically, the answer is no. Surprise!

In DePaulo’s 2008 study, they failed one study which followed German adults for 18 years and found “a small increase in happiness around the year of the wedding, but then their happiness returned to the previous level.” In contrast, “Those who were single at the time of the study began to be less happy (0.2 points on a scale of 11) than those who would later marry. However , their happiness levels always appeared at the happy end of the scale (no more than 0.6 points higher than married people).” Contrary to popular belief, getting married does not make people happy.

Source: @namau | Pexels

4. Single women have unlimited free time

Although it may be shocking to hear, it is common for single people to be asked to sit down during work or at work. -cover time because it is thought that they have more free time without a partner, or even that vacation is not necessary and they do not ‘ I have no plan.

Although singles may not have someone to spend their vacations or holidays with, it doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to do. Many people choose to be married have a strong community of friendsThe chosen family, or their relatives spend time on holidays and vacations, and the absence of a partner does not make this time more important or less valuable than someone who has a partner.

5. Single women are not satisfied and want you to sleep with them

I can’t count the number of parties I’ve been to with my friends, and a single woman in that group is considered unsatisfied and “desperate” to be with someone. This is often based on the idea that a single woman cannot be satisfied with sex alone, that they are desperate to have a relationship with anyone they will sleep with, or and they need a deep emotional connection with someone to be sexually satisfied.

It’s an old, outdated myth that sex has always been emotional for women. Not only that, but not everyone wants another person to be sexually satisfied. Even if they do that, there are women who choose to marry because they want to sleep with many people, whenever they want. Being single does not mean that a woman is sexually unsatisfied or that they are desperate to find someone to date.

6. Single women are “high maintenance”

“He must be single because he’s asking too much.” This is old, misogynistic, and needs to go. Being needy doesn’t make you good at work, and being single doesn’t mean you’re bad.

7. Single women are also independent

One of the few positive associations with being single is being single, but somehow this positive association quickly fades into single women who are no longer independent. . Often we see these two values ​​when we grow up and expect women to raise children on their own, support themselves or their families financially, or work, family, or maybe even school.

But at the same time, these women suddenly become “independent” when it appears that the partner may not think that they are important, but that is because the woman has lived alone for years, has a high-profile job, and is raising children. of them, are content without a partner, or even very limited about who they do and don’t spend their time with. Can we please stop expecting women to be independent and see them as those who will not live when they are?

8. Finally, it must be bad for a single woman

We’ve heard it over and over in these examples. Many of these stereotypes about single women boil down to the idea that a woman is single because there is something wrong with her, or that she is too important. , one who is independent, immature, broken, or unattractive.

While being aware of the negative thoughts that single women feel can be powerful, I want to be clear that it is not just giving single women the power to not get married. While this may be a concern for some women, revealing how we view single people also shows how difficult it can be to be single. It’s good if you’re single, sad, if you’re in a relationship, and tired of feminist quotes about being single and content.

Our world is centered around couples, relationships, and marriage. This can make it difficult to live alone when the world tells you that you are worthless because of it. After all, restaurants don’t have tables reserved for singles, and being single doesn’t give you the same social security or tax benefits as marriage. No matter where you are as a single woman, know that the horrible and insulting comments you receive are meaningless and pointless. Whether you’re struggling and single, single and in love, or somewhere in between, your feelings are fine.

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