They say that getting married is one of the most important decisions of your life, and I don’t agree with that, however, I think that if you know everything you need to know about a person to decide to marry them that’s it. . it should be simple, mindless, not required in any other way, kind of decision. Meaning when you and your partner agree on the future of your relationship and life together, the act of getting married should be one of the easiest decisions you will ever make.
When you and your partner are on the same page about your future, getting married is an easy decision.
That’s not to say that you have to have every little detail, but you should agree (or at least understand each other) big goals and plans before you get married. To do this, there are a few important questions to ask before marriage that can help you decide whether it is good to live together or not. We share six questions to ask and things to know before marriage here:
6 Questions You Should Ask Before You Get Married
1. What are your long-term financial goals?
If you are thinking about marriage, you probably already have a few financial discussions with your significant other (or at least we hope you have! ). You may know what your classmate’s student loan or credit card debt is, how much everyone is paying for your car, and things like that, but there’s one thing you should talk about before you tie the knot is a long-term financial goal of both of you. have. For example, if you want to save enough money for a down payment on a house but your partner plans to use their money for a different goal like paying off their first mortgage, you’ll want to know that before you get married. This topic doesn’t usually lead to deal breakers, but it’s important to know how, if any, you can support each other.
2. Do you see yourself with children in the future?
If the topic of children has not come up in your relationship and you are considering marriage, don’t hesitate to bring it up. Talk to your partner about whether or not you want children, and if so, when and where you want to raise them. Then, see how your partner will feel about the same thing. If you both want children, it’s also very important that you consider when and what to do if you have trouble conceiving—you’ll want to freeze your eggs, save for IVF, and Are you considering adoption? This is one of the hardest conversations to have since it’s something you can’t plan right away, but you’ll want to know sooner rather than later whether or not you’re both okay with it. .
3. In what ways should we accept and show each other love?
Relationships work—like most of them. But if you’re planning to get married, you’re doing it for the rest of your life, so you’ll want to make sure you’ve prepared all the information you need to use it. have a successful marriage with your partner. This means that you need to know how to show them love in a way that they need in order to receive it in return. If you don’t know your partner’s love language (Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, responsibility, shared experiences, or emotional security), now is the time to explore. together on the subject. Knowing how someone shows and receives love can make all the difference in your relationship and can help you understand and support each other better. For example, if your love language is Shared Experience (one of the new ones!), tell it to your partner. That way, when you’re feeling down or separated from them, they know just what you need (a fun toy to bond with, for example). Acknowledging this and showing love to each other in your own way can strengthen your relationship before you walk down the aisle.
4. What do you think is the best way to resolve conflicts?
Just like the language of love and how people give and receive love in different ways, everyone has their own way of handling conflict. Some people like to have a chance to think before they react and decide how they really feel and some people like to communicate with their partner right then and there. Ask your partner what they want in terms of conflict and tell them what is important to you. This can help you work as a team rather than clashing during conflict. Always remember: It’s not about one person and the other person, it’s both of you in the problem.
5. What are your expectations for how much time we spend with both sides of our family?
Ah, the in-law conversation. It will happen sooner or later, and better before marriage than later, right? Whether you live close to your family or not, integrating the family system once you get married can become a full-time job if you’re not careful. To prevent this from happening, have an honest conversation with your partner about expectations, and more importantly, limits. Ask questions like these: How often do you want to see your family? How should we divide the holidays? If we have a family event on the same day, do we split or choose one? How do we decide which one to choose? How can we build our own culture instead of dividing vacation time between our family homes? This is an overwhelming question and you may not get all the answers right away, but you need to start the conversation and find out if you and your partner are able and willing to compromise before you become a couple.
6. Do you have personal history that I should know about?
It’s fine to know some things about your partner’s medical history or general past, but there are no nitty-gritty details (whether that detail indicates a red flag or green flag) and they haven’t told you it’s going to be okay. Know before you and theirs enter your legal life? It might be an awkward question to ask, but trust me, you want to ask and give them a chance to share anything they may have been shy, nervous, scared, or worried about telling you before. When you ask this question, be sure to communicate clearly and say that you are not accusing them of not telling you important details about their lives, but that you are just wondering if there is something wrong with them. whatever you want to know in the non-judgmental area. .