Have you ever looked around and compared yourself to beautiful and happy couples and wondered what it is that they know about creating and maintaining a healthy relationship that you don’t? Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship; Every couple has their own challenges, but it is true that some relationships succeed while others fall by the wayside. But what is their secret? Well, the truth is that happiness in a relationship does not come by accident. In fact, the healthiest and happiest couples actually work at developing and maintaining love.
To help you avoid the comparison game from now on (because that doesn’t lead anywhere good), we’re breaking down 11 relationship habits that happily married couples practice and how to apply them to your own relationship so that it thrives, too.
1. They show gratitude every day
A healthy relationship is based on the principles of positive communication, intimacy and connection. Healthy couples want to accept and know each other every day. It doesn’t need to be explained, but it must be from the heart. For example, you can leave a note for your partner expressing appreciation, send a sweet text message to let them know you’re thinking about them, or do something you know they’d like. them. As humans, we all need to be supported by our partners, so showing gratitude on a regular basis can make all the difference.
2. They fight well
A relationship that has constant disagreements is not a bad one. Every couple disagrees, argues, and runs into challenges, or how to resolve those issues is important. When you have an argument with your partner, fighting the right way is more productive than the other way around. Marriage analyst and author, Dr. John Gottmancriticism, says to avoid Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling in combat, as those are motivated to protect themselves. Instead, protect your relationship by fighting the right battle.
3. They ask for what they want
If you have ever said one of these words, listen carefully: “If they really loved me, they would know what I want,” “I shouldn’t have asked,” and “They should know what they did was wrong.” Your partner is not a mind reader. They see the world differently, have different expectations, and have different experiences. It is your responsibility to express your thoughts, needs and feelings. And yes, sometimes you have to do this several times.
Healthy couples avoid thoughts. Instead, they make it a habit to ask for what they want and make room for their partner’s needs (without getting angry). The happiest couples talk openly about their desires with respect and respect their differences.
4. They speak each other’s love language
We all give and receive love in our own unique ways. It’s not about right and wrong. It’s about what works for you and your partner. Your needs may be different and that’s normal. Social psychologist Gary Chapman pioneered the concept of Five love languages, and more recently, two more have been added: Gifts, Moments, Affirmative Actions, Careers, Physical Touch, Shared Experiences, and Emotional Safety. Healthy couples are very aware of how their partners give and receive love because knowing this helps support intimacy, love, and love in the relationship.
5. They work together
Few things are as irritating as feeling like your own housekeeper. In fact, the division of labor is one of the biggest complaints that bring couples to therapy. Couples and healthy relationships make it a priority to work together. They may not like it, but they do it. One of you may hate doing the dishes, while the other hates doing the laundry. Have a discussion about how to share your work and come together to do it. Doing this together builds trust and closeness, and it helps to reduce resentment.
6. They make time to snuggle
Communication is important in relationships, but people often forget how effective and meaningful touch can be. Did you know that touch releases a hormone called Oxytocin? Oxytocin is known as the “love hormone” because it plays a major role in bonding. It also relieves emotional and physical pain, supports the immune system, and helps build intimacy. Healthy couples make it a priority to engage in physical love every day no matter how tired they are.
7. They talk about difficult things
We have two choices when we are faced with difficult relationship topics: we can avoid them and hope they will disappear for good, or we can rely on them, making them truth, but deal with what happens. When we avoid our problems, we allow them to grow and flow in other ways. Healthy couples tend to avoid difficult topics. Instead, they take the time to discuss them and find a clear solution. It’s not always easy, but it’s very important.
8. They create too much
You won’t find a good relationship without limits. A boundary is something that keeps the space between where you stop and someone else starts. Healthy couples talk openly and respect each other’s boundaries as a way to ensure that their needs are met and to feel secure in their relationship. Topics can include emotional boundaries (how much time you spend together and separation), physical boundaries (touching and sex), or digital boundaries (how often you look at or post online about the relationship).
9. They forgive and move on
Couples in healthy relationships understand that their relationship is moving forward with forgiveness. In fact, he wouldn’t be alive without it. Learning to sincerely apologize and forgive is critical to a peaceful existence and strong relationships. Forgiveness is not about ending a fight, it’s about making a sincere effort to overcome the issue as a group, and then come out of the issue. Choose to be happy instead of better if you are looking for a healthy relationship. Often, that requires a heartfelt apology. To do that, stop apologizing and qualifying (“Sorry, but…”). Instead, take responsibility (“I’m sorry…”).
10. They are neutral
Healthy couples have both intimacy and independence. They take the opportunity to pursue a life other than their partner. The more successful partners are in respecting each other’s needs for togetherness and separateness, the more their relationship satisfaction is affected. The ability to separate yourself from your partner and have time to yourself shows a trusting relationship and a healthy connection process.
11. They are willing to reach out for help
Healthy couples are willing to ask for help. Although this can be scary, time-consuming and very scary, healthy couples understand the importance of getting outside support when they cannot solve their problems on their own. them. This support can come from a therapist, couples agency, or anyone who is comfortable opening up and can provide objective insight. The most important part of this is to understand the importance of supporting and opposing any controversial topic with good intentions.